Voice from a teenager's heart

To Her.....

2010-09-22T06:19:00.000-07:00

Each new day introduces us to new people- people who might have an impact in our lives, who might give us endearing company, who might seed a fierce dislike or who might just go up in air, without leaving even a whiff of their presence. But very few people make us want to change it, make us want to emulate them.

I usually do not heed to the 'well-meaning-advice' that invariably and most of the time, unwantedly, get dropped on our laps. It is with a certain mild sneer that I listen to them. I developed the habit of reading at a very young age- and indeed, I must admit that it limited me. For certain periods of my life, relations, bonds and feelings held no importance, were given no stand. My friends were alienated because of this habit, and I was left stranded and didn't give a damn.

Holidays came. I was visiting my brother and Chance introduced me to The girl who would become one of my most closest of all friends. She was- is- 3 years older than me, and moreover a bookworm. I can still remember how me met. She was a misfit too, awkward with emotions, not exactly outward. But a someone with whom I could connect . A relationship which was initially nurtured only by conversations about books soon spread its roots in my life.

We talked and talked freely. Time made us grow fonder of each other. Hers is the only life I would want to exchange with my own. For my unguided self, she became the source of inspiration- inspiring me to write and channel my emotions through words as their vocal expression was, and still is, difficult for me. As we both grew, it was she who breathed away my fears with her calm and well meaning words. She made me be who I am and be it without fear or compromise.

She turns 20 in a few days. I have never met a more grounded teenager. We no longer stay in the same country, nor are able to converse with the same amount of frequency. But when we met, the miles and time passed were of no importance. Our bond was there- safe, firm, strong.

I have already dedicated a post to her in this blog and thought that it was only fit to dedicate another to that extraordinary person who sat beside me and opened my first e-mail account and this blog.

Here's to you Lux, you rock!

2010-09-05T05:38:00.001-07:00

IT'S NEW, IT'S DIFFERENT......

I need not get up so early anymore. I need not iron any uniform nor curse the necessity of pulling my hair back in two plaits and a ribbon. the full hour school days are gone. time is more free, more spacious and . its bitter-sweet.

it is totally weird, totally unusual to have the liberty to wear bright, colourful clothes to an educational institution . though i love to experiment with make-up paint more than once, its unnerving to go to a place where it is considered in vogue and a book is 'nerdy'. though more than three full months have passed since i became a college-goer, the experience is totally unrealistic. for one , there is that feeling of wonder, of astonishment and surprise of growing up so fast that i can look out during our class window without being questioned ( ya, during class hours, when our lecturer drones on and on).

i barely know the girl who sits beside me, yet i am fond of her. i have ventured out with a few of them, yet call them as friends. each day, the seedling of new

relationships, new bonds grow more stronger and familiar. i have begun to recognize the names and faces of my classmates, begun to tease our lecturers for their strange accents and lisps.

this is our college, a structure of stone and age. it has weathered with time and rains, the windows are rickety and are never do the job they are meant for. many have commented that it effectively looks like a monument but i have come to like it. the surrounding green and breezy, the air clean and always fresh, the roads so free of vehicles and noise. if the classroom reeks of boredom, i can look out of the windows and blissfully witness a tranquil landscape of cute houses and trees. its amazing- the environment is so clean and dirt-free.

there are a lot of eateries around- so much so that even i was stunned that i could go anywhere around during our lunch. this (and the lunch box that mom prepares) effectively puts me in a perpetual, pleasant, sleep like stupor. there are a lot of 'healthy' people in our college, so i do not exactly feel guilty of eating- no, gorging.

our college has a firm ethical and a moral base- which means that it is more strict than others. but as my happiness depends more on a book than on counting how many classes i bunked, i am relatively satisfied.

right now, i am just getting used to this transition from discipline to freedom. it is new. its is unexperienced.

The Final Adieu

2010-04-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

It’s been two years. Two years since we started preparing, and preparing hard for our tenth board exams. Two years since we truly started resenting the perpetual stream of projects, homeworks, revision and those long hours spent scooped up in our rooms with nothing but textbooks for company. So, it’s a bit unnerving to face the fact that it is all finally over- our tenth exams have ended.

We were all happily awaiting the day that would mark the end of a two year battle with pressure, parents and teachers. And also, though we had not realized it then, a day that would end constant contact between friends, a day that would put an end to all that safe comfort we were accustomed to in our second home.

We were busy. Too busy to realize that our tenure as school going students would end. Where was the time? There were deadlines to meet, homework to complete, exams to prepare. Sure, we knew that we would leave school, would enter college in mere months. But who cared? College meant freedom, freedom meant extended limits, and extended limits meant experiments, experiments adventure.

That was how we thought.

It was only when we sat writing our last exam did we realize that there was no exam the next day. That there no need for revision upon going home. That we were not the ones who would be coming back once the school reopened. That though the gateways of college was now open, the school doors would be shut.

Of course, we might promise to come back and indeed keep it. But, will it be the same? We cannot pull pranks on teachers. They in turn cannot scold us. An unknown, unwanted formality would creep in. We will not be able to relive those school days- they are just memories of time past, of days well spent.

The former feelings of resentment, bitterness- they were just that - former. It was nothing when compared to the grief and fierce nostalgia we experienced on the last day. Though no tears were shed, the gloom was extremely prominent and emphatic.

I was 13 when I started this blog. Now, I am 16. Time has passed. Though in character I remain pretty much the same, these past few months have added a subtle maturity, the knowledge that I should appreciate what I am living through or else I might not get it back again.

They say that no good things last forever. That its true value can be fully realized when it’s no more there. Alas! How true......

jugalbandi in morning...........

2009-06-23T04:45:00.000-07:00

our school is pretty nice. i don't really understand why, but the authorities are determined to make us appreciate classical arts. appreciation of lectures. appreciation of poetry. and to my undying misery, appreciation of music.

so it dint come as a total surprise when we were asked to report to school at 8 a.m on a certain Saturday for an hour long session of jugalbandi music. we were just informed that it was an instrumental version of two forms of Indian music. trusting my school princy and going by the name , i was expecting something fast paced or something spirited.

i was in for a rude shock.

the jugalbandi turned out to be a slow fusion of harmonium, sarong and a snail paced tabla. i suppose it must have been pleasant in its own way.........but i honestly could not hear the thins in that perspective. i mean, when u have woken up at 5:45 in the morning , and make your way wearily to the school just because they told you to and they give back the courtesy in the form of a lullaby, you certainly wont appreciate jugalbandi , will you?

it was surprising that many of my friends liked it . one even considered that if anyone dint like it, they were certainly abnormal. i remained silent , mournfully accepting my fate and abnormality .

but please , don't form impressions about jugalbandi based on my post. many people did like it ( though i don't understand how ) .

beauty everywere

2009-05-30T04:03:00.000-07:00

the wind whipped and tickled my face,
summer leaves fell from trees with a gentle grace,
and wistful thought ran in my head as in a race:

" a longing desire to belong to the beauty around me,
of towering mountains and roaring seas,
bitter hate for being a human escaped unstopped and free,
for there was little time but much to see......"

with pulling memories, i went back to my life,
full of city lights and lowly strife,
and painful words as sharp as a knife..

as time flew by, there came a day,
when all hard work went away,
i sat looking at my paper, not seeing a single ray,
trying to decide where i had wronged on the way...............

through the mists of misery, a loving mother came,
and as strong support, a man with 'father' as his name,
to gamely raise my spirits, friends offered me a game,
even as i accepted, i knew i would never feel the same....

for i had just recognized the beauty of life and family,
now knew that nature was not ugly nor mankind lowly,
" i am me .. ", i thought happily...............

mutinous ramblings

2009-04-06T04:41:00.000-07:00

i may now rest in momentary peace. the accursed exams has met its end and i am now realizing the true meaning & and feeling of bliss. my endocrine glands ( striving to prove that its no less a teenager than me ) are working full time and releasing extra hormones to make me more rebellious. come on - after slaving with text books for over month & spending 2 hours each day for 2 weeks in stuffed, over stern classrooms - who can blame me???
as i am regally pissed and royally frustrated, i am going to over indulge myself and curse everything around me to hell.
so if you don't want to spend your next few minutes reading the ramblings of a self sympathising teenager, please find something else......

please don't be offended, but if by any chance you are an adult, answer this question for me :
how come how-have-you-done-your-exams-beta become the standard question come march??? do all the adults expect us to point blankly lie with a hypocritical smile and tell very-well-thank-you-auntie ???
duh!
exam papers are of course more horrible. whats the true meaningful purpose of asking questions like "define frontal and cyclonic rainfall " ? ugh!
who gives a damn about the types or features of rainfall???
and to make matters more worse ( is that is possible ) , they give out results ( I'm not exactly sure weather to use duh! or ugh!! here )..
its the most horrible things. that's not only because i have never come in the Top Five but because whats-your-percentage-beta becomes another standard question.
right now i cant find the dominant emotion in my house : my contended, lazy happiness or my parents increasing bouts of anxiety at my results.........

ooph! i feel loads better now that i have gotten that out.
now, now, ( if you are still reading ), please don't ask me what my percentage is! :)

to a slain friend...

2009-02-24T03:53:00.000-08:00

the leaves were still not in full bloom. the frozen bark was yet to recover from the chill winter. spring flowers had not yet been born. the green was still mild, pleasant and gentle. but all hopes of witnessing the former grandeur is lost.
dear people, i lost one of my most trusted mute friends today. the standing , intimidating giant, lay pitifully on the ground, with no mourners to honour it.my tears went unnoticed in the surroundimg joy of work accomplished.

very few people regard nature as their friend. though not able to speak, the quiet companionship, patience and support it offers is irreplaceable. it is the only life form on earth which can communicate the honest message of "" i am forever there for you "" without uttering them.
the tree was there from the time of my birth. one of our most favourite haunts, it was the residence of out notorious childhood games. a it was a friend which offered its leaves for us to play with, let us to lean by its bark and relax, and gave us a wild wonder and exceptional excitement when it first sprouted tufts of cotton( it was a cotton tree ). those are just memories now. the assurance that those childhood joys really existed is lost. the gentle filtered sunlight has now become unbearably harsh as there is no one to intercept it. the cooled atmosphere offered by my friend has now become bone dry. they just did not kill the tree, but the life around it and the life it offered.

i stood watching. it took a combined effort of 6 men, 2 ropes and gigantic axes to cut the life out of it. it fell and the thunderous voice reverberated. the dog which used to sleep in its shade and had made it its bed howled a grief stricken lament for the home lost. then there was silence....
just a moment of silence...
cries of joy. cheers and satisfaction filled the air. many clapped in ignorance of the life lost. not one thought of the tree that had provided a lush landscape to the dull area.
why?? why such indignity, i could not comprehend.......
my friend lay on the hardened ground ( a place from which it had blossomed with life ) before it was disposed. people came to pluck out its lifeless leaves to glee at the dead parts. the sap which once gave life to my friend flowed out as effortlessly as my tears.
some people might call my mourning stupid.but i don't care. my friend has just been slain and has become a memory.......................

REDISCOVERING WITH ANI.........

2009-02-13T22:58:00.000-08:00

the toddler and i are playing. hitting sparring, defending, just like our fictional heroes do on television.the desperate desire to copy them, idolise them are keeping us both going on tirelessly. suddenly, he stops and calls for a time out. he is after all a toddler. my heart softens.

that toddler is my baby brother.

age and time influence the gain of knowledge very little. a young one is more knowledgeable. knowledgeable in the art of helping, caring and perpetual kindness.

there is a vast time gap between my bro and me. when he was born, he was just a pretty little toy for me to play with. how was i to know that this cute little thing was to help me discover, nay- rediscover, myself???? though i was just nine years, the preadolescence symptoms had already set in. deceptive smugness, arrogance, a pompous nature, self pity and what-nots. the most horrible thing was, i used to watch saas-bahu melodramas instead of any cartoons as any self respecting girl should have.

the cute little thing grew. t.v. was no longer my area of dominance. of course, he was very small, but the typical sis-bro spats had already erupted.as i was the older one, i invariably had to shamefully concede defeat and let the little monster watch his power rangers hurdle through many impossible and stupid tasks. he smashed around in joy as he witnessed them achieve some superbly delusional victory. now i realise that the simple, pure joy in his eyes had melted my conceited heart.

i had fallen in love. both with the monster and power rangers.

of course, the sudden shift of programme preferences was the first of the gradual changes that were to follow.playing with him thought lessons which even school could not hope to teach. the patience with which he thought me those special moves helped me to loose my arrogance and know it all attitude. time and fate grew generous as i aged in reverse and went on getting younger through the advancing years. though several complex things were added to my brains, my heart chose the simple way. fate had decided. i had to owe who i would become to lil Ani.

still now, this 15 year old teenager sits down to watch power ranger shows with her 7 year old brother. but the tasks are not stupid anymore.

thank you Ani- i owe it to you.

EVILS FROM THE PAST..

2009-02-04T03:36:00.001-08:00

our heritage and culture is getting lost. the ancient Aryan faiths and beliefs which became the foundation of Hinduism is being completely misinterpreted. as far as spirituality is concerned, god is one. no where in true ethics has it been prescribed that He be the cause of separation of human kind based on race, creed, color and sex. then why do we exclaim, " for you God! " and continue to shatter the world through atrocious crimes of partition???
people cry around in pride about their secularness. but where is it? only in the superficial layers of our epithelial cells , but not in the deeps chambers of our heart. the sects in society was first done on the basis of physical abilities and not on a persons character. . what you are born is not what you are. you are who you choose to be.
people as well might shake their heads and think that i am off my rocker for suggesting that racism and cast ism still exist today. but exist it does.........

when will we realise that what a person wears, how he or she is, what religion they whose to follow is their own personal choice?? how can we call India a free nation, or the world for that matter , when we are under the tyranny of discrimination? are we so helpless against these massive forces of injustice? should we just succumb and bow our heads in resigned acceptance?
should the distance of the seas and the difference of faiths and culture stop us in our valiant attempt for unity?????????????
these are not questions that ask for answers but demand it ................................

FORGET THERE! ITS HERE!!!!

2009-01-11T09:06:00.000-08:00

i stood there , mesmerized by the unique arch formation of the native tree's brown branches. i pointed it out to my friends , forgetting for a moment that the love for nature was not mutual between us. one of them scorned : " ha, that is nothing.you have to see the trees in Mangalore........... they are more beautiful.." .
i remembered what i had forgotten.
well, wonders never cease. that i now firmly believe. the above mentioned scene was simple is it not? i pointed out a beautiful scene and commented on its great charismatic views. my friends could have either agreed or disagreed. but no . things can never be simple. not here. human nature and psychology intervenes.

each thing is its own. its uniqueness its description. why in heavens world do we spoil it through bringing in other things?????
that might there,
but this is here,
do not make 'this' fierce,
by bringing in 'that' here............
whatever we might have seen in the past might really be better and more beautiful. but that's just it. its in the PAST. you are now here. in the PRESENT. appreciate things which are in front of your eyes rather than wistfully wishing for something that is out of vision. everyone and everything have its own benefits and assets.
just remember: FORGET THERE.ITS HERE!.

O.K..... you must now be tired of my ramblings of ' this' , ' now' , 'here' , 'there'. you are excused to go. just go down and have a cuppa and you will be just fine. it works, trust me. ..........

in need of sympathy

2008-12-08T03:25:00.000-08:00

WARNING!: those people who come under the categories of " teacher, principals, hard hearts, logical mind, humorless and such others " are here by requested to kindly skip this article in order to save the writer from for-your-good lectures.

as do every other human of my age group feels, so do i. my love for nature did not stop it from adamantly making me an usual adolescent.in fact, the teenage hormones seem to flow in excess in my body.doomsday is not at all feeling very far of and the world seems to be in the advanced stages of decomposition and degradation.

the stimulus for this excess secretions from my endocrine glands seems to me undoubtedly a sole thing. SCHOOL. alas! damn the one who thought of this noble, educational idea.this 'school' is the major basis on which my most unreasonable actions stand.

i wake up (and so does everybody who visits this mental asylum) at 6:45 A.M , a crime in itself. now tell me, with your most unprejudiced viewpoint, what should be the punishment for anyone who is the cause of this atrocious crime??? my mind was lurking somewhere around death sentence..........

come dusk, and you can witness us poor creatures holed up in a room with a thick fat text book under our nose. aye, studying, this beautiful time of day ( which happens to be my most favorite hour ) is completely wasted by reading and trying to decipher the use of "highly useful and productive " formulas. of course, i hardly know of any other noble way of passing time which can be more useful and productive . do you?

IN THEIR VIEWPOINT....

2008-12-01T03:54:00.000-08:00

it has ended. the cries of agony, despair, shock, shouts for help, grief and many other emotions which surfaced hours before still fill the air.. hope for nearly 200 families is lost. the time for tears and white has arrived. mumbai's trip with terror has ended(????). the atmosphere is no longer of glamour and glitz. the huge block of stone which once represented grandeur and heritage is now completely defaced with smoke,blood & flesh. the pool is red with a substance which one supported life. the damage to the building is nothing in the light of the damage caused for human life and beliefs.
it took the good brave hearts nearly 3 days to suppress 10 people whose sole purpose seemed to cause pain and panic. the amount of man force involved were in 100's. people around me are blaming everything on anybody they can think of. its insults which are flying in the air. my mind is in complete chaos.
the young men who entered mumbai wit rifles seemed remorseless. why????? people snarl with disgust " those bastards! if i could just lay my hands on them...!" but that is not my thought. only one word persists. WHY?? why are they creating this unnecessary havoc? why are they taking away lives as if they were the supreme owners?? there has to be motive. people otherwise just don't start chucking out lives.
what is in life that has made them so immune to pain and death? what is it that has made their hearts cold to the cries of children to their parents? what is that has made them indifferent to tears of sorrow, grief and fear? what is that has seemingly made them loose out every ounce of humanity?? WHAT? WHY?
i accept without question that a more efficient coast guard and leaders would have definitely kept these recent causalities at bay. the headline would have then read " A FAILED TERRORIST ATTACK IN MUMBAI" it would have stopped terrorist attacks. but, would it have stopped terrorists? would it have stopped young people in the tender age of 20's to take up terrorism as an attractive option for a career? is it not more prudent to find and finish of that " what is it?" .
these are just thoughts and confusion which flow endlessly in my heart, not brain. i know several people will disagree with me.

DENTAL TALES

2008-11-05T03:56:00.000-08:00

i had always heard people talking that at least once in a life time, every human has to inevitably visit the dentist. alas, that great misfortune has befallen even me. getting tired of seeing many great black holes whenever i opened my mouth( and you will be surprised by their number!!) , my dad finally took me to a dentist..
upon entering, my dentist asked me to smile widely and i did.i suspect he was charmed by my even incisors and might have wondered what was possible wrong with my apparently beautiful, white teeth. well. he was in for a nasty shock. he asked me to lie down and trained large, strong beams of light to my open mouth. oh my!! the light immediately went off and my doctor recoiled with shock as if someone had pressed red hot pans to his underside. what was wrong with my beautiful teeth was apparent.
" this young lady will loose all her teeth in 6 years if nothing is done about this!" he blandly stated. it was my turn to recoil with shock. my chronically disordered teeth had never before give me an ounce of pain and it was pretty hard to digest that it would disintegrated just as painlessly away.
ah, so there began my journey to the dental clinic. at first , my dentist told me to get a motorised brush which was 500 rs. my father lost a whole night's sleep over it.
the first day of my treatment went away uneventfully. the second day was when it all started. at first, it was just a jab of pain . but it soon turned into bouts of agony as the doctor determinedly drilled a hole into my decayed teeth. after the whole hell had finally passed over, the man sweetly smiled at me and said" oh, today was just the starting. tommo onwards, the real pain begins. so be prepared! ". i was ready to punch him. the real pain???????? if false pain had meant agony, then what did real pain mean?
aah, from now on, i have learnt a valuable lesson i will never forget. " never to trust doctors" .
sorry, did i tell 'doctors'? please make it ' smiling assassins'...............

GROWING UP

2008-10-18T04:18:00.000-07:00

i still remember , during my first grade days, how i had the nerve to speak to my teachers in Kannada-my native tongue . every other of my friend used to converse in English(at least with our teachers) except me. what my now slightly evolved mind would have considered a shame, my then blissfully ignorant mind did not even acknowledge. years passed by, and time moulded my heart and thoughts into something astoundingly different which makes experiencing those little and "stupid" joys impossible.

those things which tots usually do fills them with such unimaginable pleasure. i was no different. evenings saw us(ya, even me) all screaming at the top of our voices that one of the players had cheated , running from gate to gate, hiding in the most unusual and disgusting places. exams were nothing in my perspective then (still is not, but during primary it was more meaningless). the difference of then and now is so marked that it seems to be of two different worlds. for who would recognize the 2-pony-tailed girl who went crying to her mother because her bossy elder brother bossed around her? not even me.

time has passed on and is indeed passing. life itself is becoming a school and each day imbibing me with new knowledge and a new fact. the metamorphosis of me from a carefree girl into a rebellious teenager is showing. the truths, bad and good, are being exposed to my eyes which are supposed to accept it and make my life with them. that once empty mind is now filled with many thoughts. the same -yet not the same - personality has found new and different ways to experience pleasure. i have grown up. these new elements which keep on getting added are slowly and gradually turning my world around. those games which i myself played are no longer fun. but it is with a sigh that i remember those moments were once the earth was so uncomplicated and unsophisticated. alas, i have grown up.

A REPLY TO A FRIEND

2008-10-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

when my close and dear friend dedicated a post in her blog in regard with us, it was then that i realized : a relationship need not be geographically close.

Lakshmi ( i call her Lux) is one of my truest and dearest friend. our mutual liking towards books drew us so close together that our friendship prospered while we sunned it with the light of togetherness, watered with it with endless talks, and cared for it with our unwavering loyalty. those unforgettable exchange of information on books , while we sat cosily in her balcony, and cursing teachers and such people is irreplaceable. i might meet all the people in this universe, but i still wont be able to replace anyone in her place. nor will any be able to offer the same extended hand of comfort , friendship and understanding.

dear Lux,

i am addressing directly to you,

we both live in the knowledge that we might not be able to meet in the next few years or so. but , though our relation is like a budding flower, i (and i know, so will you) promise that it will not wither away like many things in times to come. we both will fiercely guard it in such manner. bidding adieu is always painful. bidding adieu to a loved one more so. though miles part us, memories will not be forgotten and our bond will not sink.

ME NO MAN HATER..................

2008-08-23T04:40:00.000-07:00

owing to my previous posts, my readers would have sadly and inevitably come to the conclusion that i am a determined man hater.however i make haste to tell you all that it is really not so.in the words of Marcus Brutus, i love city, but i love nature more. that's all.

after spending just a single day in the intimacies of nature, anyone is bound to compare and contrast the two arts of living.in a village cluttered by trees, the hourglass of time have no sense of bearing. and it is so astoundingly different in cities. every moment, minute and second is jealously treasured and put to its maximum use. it becomes not a question of participation but a question of results. many factors like these join hands to give cities its own unique style of charm.

a city can be truly judged as the residence of contradictions. each statement or action is met with such exceptions that it makes one wonder whether it really is so.the mornings in cities is cluttered, sophisticated and complicated. the nights are exactly opposite when it turns into the time for relaxation.you can find kind hearted spendthrifts , but again, you can also find an equal number of misers. apartment where women neighbours gossip are common. and again, apartments without them are also common.

the main charm of a city rests not in its roads of traffic or attractive jazzy malls ; but in its deceptive harmony one can find between the houses and trees. the few meager and calm trees in midst of them really leads one to believe that there is no struggle for existence between man and nature. the colors of blue gray skies, black roads, green trees, colorful houses create an environment and wonderland that is typical only in cities. and yes, i admit it frankly, it gives one a fantastic feeling of pleasure to watch it together under rain. everything would have turned unusually clean and pure...........

this post aims at only one thing: to prove that i am no city hater.

HUMAN FACADE

2008-06-29T03:57:00.000-07:00

i was travelling to gokurna in a bus. it was probably an hour from dawn and the sky was dark purple blue. the indigo clouds looked like ghostly shadows in that vast stretch of darkness.

as minutes flew by, little streaks of dim sunlight sneaked into the sky and spread its light on the big, lush greenery which was in waiting to receive it with anticipation.the leaves were returning to their color, the bright flowers seemed to spill out red, blue, yellow hues everywhere.the roads were narrow which resulted in an intimate contact with nature. in delight, i put out my hand to touch the fresh green leaves and several dew drops gently cascaded down my palms. they glistened like pearls in against that mild sunshine.

the bus put on more speed and everything became a green blur. ecstasy burst into my heart as i saw a nature which i had never seen before.viewing the dreamy blue clouds in the clear blue sky, vague thoughts creeped into my mind. the hustle bustle of the cities, artificial greenery in the parks, smoke from the vehicles making the clouds grey, tall sky scarpers obstructing the twinkling stars at night..... this was the life which i- which most of us- was used to. that there is something more in nature than the colorful flowers and green trees in parks was a thought which i had never thought.

but, the nature around seemed determined to reveal its beauty to me. what i saw now, i could not understand. the path beyond the trees was a wide tangle of bushes, plants and creepers. and in the mid of it, wild Flowers of different kind grew, giving the overall appearance of a mystic beauty.is nature giving me a message that she has more hidden things than she has revealed to man, i wondered?

little drops of rain started coming down and it was the purest, cleanest form of it i had ever seen. the driver put on a burst speed and everything around me turned into something exotic and beyond understanding. it seemed as if the driver wanted to prove he was better than the things around him and nature was fighting back. if it really was so, then there was no doubt about who would win.

everyone started getting up and the peace i had so thoroughly enjoyed vanished. suddenly, nothing i looked remained beautiful.'human is destroying everything. he is attacking everything as if to prove to the supernatural forces that he is the supreme one. he has become so greedy that the real world of nature is being concealed in his actions.' i thought

i regretfully glanced back at those distinctly visible mountains as we once again entered human civilization. everything around here is a human facade, i finally realized. this was the message nature wanted to tell me, it seemed.

killing for desire........

2008-04-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

Interested in eating a chicken sandwich? Love eating fried fishes? Simply love eating non-veg food? Think they are the best food you have ever tasted? Visit non-veg hotels with the first chance you get? Well, I really plead you to reform your ideas.

Animal species were among the first to appear on earth. Though the homo sapiens are the latest to show up, the rate of evolution in our case is alarmingly fast. The fact that we are the most sophisticated and intelligent species on earth has taken us to a whole new level of pride. This has led to complete ignorance of lives around us.

Animals like hens, fishes , crabs and the likes of it are daily killed for being eaten. We enjoy eating them without even thinking about the pain the animal had to endure before breathing its last. Eating organs which once supported a life is wrong. Completely wrong. They are made up of the same amazing alive cells which make earth the only living planet. Finding delight in non-veg food is complete illusion.

Nature is a sensitive link of chains. Though in outward appearance it bears a tough look, each and every negative activity from our part degrades it more and more. General science can only as much as educate us about nature and the various components that makes it such a panoramatic thing. But understanding s weakness and protecting it should be the part of human intelligence. We have to direct our power in the path which benefits everyone, not just ourselves.

But that is not happening. We are blinded by our own sense off self importance. Our selfishness and greed has become so much that it is leading to steadfast destruction of our fellow beings for various purposes. Animals too have a right to live. Just because they have a comparatively low functioning intelligence and moderate expression of feelings, it does not mean that they can be killed to eat. It is pointless to murder them just because it gives us a split second pleasure. They have their own lives to leave and sacrificing themselves for humans is not one of their jobs.

My dear people just remember this, our ignorance of various lives around us and their destruction will one day be the weapon that will destroy us. It is just matter of time when nature will set her forces free against us and emerge victorious. And it is not an order but a request when I ask anyone who reads this to give up the lunatic desire of wanting to taste the delights of non-veg food as it is not.

GONE A LIFE OF 100 YEARS.............

2008-04-13T23:13:00.000-07:00

gone a life of hundred years
cut mercilessly at its base
yet it neither showed its fears
nor the pain on its face

the cries of 'i served thee faithfully'
could not be heard
nor its sounds of pain;is it right that
death should come as nemesis for others gain?

the killers did not know
about the great life they had taken away,
nor were they bothered
when the birds from home flew far away.

betrayed by the people whom
it first had defended,
yet they were the same people
who were 'friends' as they once had pretended.

as it fell undefended
the tar ground became its first resting place.
was this the respect to pay
to a life of 100 years but still gay?
Alas, not one thought, not one asked.....

what if the world is full of care, we have no time to stand and stare

2008-03-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

i was once out with my friends. there i saw a familiar face. it was of an old colleague. i went and said HI. she just replied a hastily uttered 'good-to see-u' and told me she would call and she had to go now. i was stunned.

earlier i had read this in a book," What if the world is full of care , we have no time to stand and stare...." i had then scorned at the idea and had thought that it was absurd. but that was before. now, i agree without even a slightest hesitation or consideration.

the process of building up a relationship or a friendship takes a long long time. that bond of trust, love faith does not come easily. but now, we do not have the time to even think about it,the care that had been into the process is all forgotten. those loved ones are fading into a curtain of blackness and are mainly in memories. yes, we do not have the time to stand and stare into the relationship that serve as a base for our life.

India achieved freedom through a long chain of battles and loss. almost half-a-century from that time, freedom is being taken for granted. the effort,bloodshed,lives,labour,pain which went in the long struggle are not being thought of. we just enjoy our liberties without even thinking about the cause which have allowed us to enjoy them.

in this introvert world, people do not have the time for other things than their work,family & themselves.or so they say. when was the last time you stood back to stare and look at the works which is the outcome of CARE and appreciate the effort pit into developing it ? i bet you cant remember , for there was no last time. and it is with full shame that i admit that "what if the world is full of care, we have no time to stand and stare"...

ZOOM!THE BIKES SPED PAST ME.....

2007-12-28T02:57:00.000-08:00

i was running in mid of the road. Zoom! the bikes sped past me. "hey, you could have hurt me."i exclaimed. those bikes were vaguely familiar & i froze. i suddenly wished i had kept my big mouth shut.
i am a senior foreign service officer.the reason i was running was i had just escaped from a dangerous enemy who had kept me as a hostage. he was expecting me to be a traitor and reveal few high profile secrets of my country.
as if on cue to my thinking , the bikes stopped.those thugs- really,there is no other words for them-started coming towards me. my wits returned. i turned back and started running. they were right behind me.....
"deepti,please can you tell me the Latin form of the word 'play'?" an alien voice boomed. i jumped and came back to reality. and when i realized that actually i was in my Latin classes, i groaned out inaudibly. i loathed my Latin classes. i hated the moments i spent in that loathsome old room. i hated the boring old language. even though my sir tries to induce some interest in his teachings, i am failed to be impressed. just before when i had entered , i had caste everything around me with a glance of indifference and had settled myself in the back bench.
i have this surprising tendency to start imagining some strange things when i am forced to hear things in which i have least,if any, interest.this was exactly what i was doing before i was interrupted.
i was partly furious with my sir for interrupting me at such an interesting point of time. my sir was berating at me for not concentrating in the class. i had lowered my head, not really bothered. suddenly, the thing i was imagining crept into my mind. i smiled. my sir burst up and suspended me from the class for 3 whole days!! what a treat!!! i could hardly stop my grin, but somehow managed.
i was walking back home. zoom!the bikes sped past me. " hey! you could have hurt me!" i exclaimed. but they were already out of earshot. i froze and burst out laughing. this time it was a contest among our locals.

to my best year

2007-11-26T03:15:00.000-08:00

Everybody will be having some memorable moments from their primary school days. so do i. whenever i think back my 7th grade school days come looming into my mind more than any other school year. they are imprinted in my memory & will forever stay fresh throughout my life.

i consider 7th to be the turning point of my life as i realized the value of friendship. it was not only me, but my whole gang as well. we were a gang of 10 and our group had more fun than any other group or individual as i can think of.we were extremely kiddish & our class boys used to laugh at us because we all got together at lunch time and sing nursery rhymes!!!!
my 7th grade was more significant because my best friend Deepa and i did not fight evenonce in the whole 365 days! you might ask , "what is so great in that?". but. my friend and i used to have quarrel at least once in every year.according to us, the key to a healthy relation is to keep fighting!. even now, the only reason i think we enjoyed so much is because we knew 5the real meaning of 'fun'. we got rid of all our ego. 10 became 1. i can even remember laughing at teachers in unison & making up so many nonsense songs.

but as i am sure everyone must know. we cannot have all the happiness at once. what promised to be a bright year turned disastrous when our third regular parent teachers meeting was held. it turned out to be torturous not only to me but to our whole gang. we came to know it would be the last year we would be spending together. many in my beloved team were leaving I.C.S.E..and joining state board. it was a dread which almost stopped us from enjoing our last 2 months together.

but , even time was not cooperative. it flew away in a wink. in the last two periods, hot tears began to spill down our cheeks. the truth that it was parting of ways was proving to be difficult to sink into my reluctant heart. when the bell rang,we gave each other an united, loving .hug and departed to go in our separate ways............

even though it is quite a time now from that fate full moment, we all are still united through that good old bridge of memories.i am sure that my friends still remember me , no matter in what part of the world they are....
so i dedicate this composition to MY BEST YEAR IN SCHOOL......

MY WISH

2007-11-26T02:56:00.001-08:00

Marooned on an island
surrounded by water
even if i am alone
it doesn't matter

heaps of golden sand
all glittering in the light
& the blue water around the land
provide a wonderful sight

the white birds at the sky
sure makes me wish to fly
the silver fishes in the water
takes away from my mind
the things that really matter.

the trees and shells
are truly a treasure
and makes me feel a heart felt pleasure.

Nature--two faces

2007-08-25T03:17:00.000-07:00

Fluttering butterflies
and chirping birds
provide soothing music
to the dream world of nature.
towering mountains , the evergreen trees
and the little crystal springs
add up to its beauty.
oh!man , dont be taken in
by its stunning fairness;
for she has a face still left unseen.
unmask it and see its real self of seething rage
its contents full of roaring waters
and ferocious winds
all safely stored for its final distruction to mankind.